Excuse the post coming as it’s going to be a slightly rambling one. I find them a tad therapeutic when my brain is whirring a little too fast as it lets me take a moment to organise my thoughts a bit and generally just vent a bit. Hopefully not in a ranty way, as that’s not really my thing. Just more in the ‘putting the world to rights’ sort of way. With the eventual aim of this post being (as the blog title suggests) making sure I always look on the bright side.
I’m a pretty positive person, or at least I like to think so. I might be wrong. I generally prefer to look at positives rather than negatives and tend to see the good in people before the bad. Look at the upsides of situations and always think things can get better. Over the past few weeks or so I’ve been feeling more negative than usual when it comes to my work, the blog and blogging in general. There’s something about how business focussed and money oriented that just doesn’t feel good to me. Sure, if I was earning an annual salary a week then I probably wouldn’t be feeling quite so negative… but I’m not. I’m just a girl who started a blog out of a love of beauty and through a combination of good timing and hard work have been fortunate enough to be able to turn my hobby into my day to day job. This is something I’ll forever be grateful for and happy about.
However, this negative feeling that I’ve been feeling has been particularly hard to shift. I don’t like it at all and would much rather be looking at my day to day job and blogging as a whole with more of a glass half full mentality. There’s no pivotal moment or anything that’s brought this on, I’d mostly put it down to a lack of confidence in myself, feeling a bit isolated and that old enemy of the comparison. Something I know full and well is something I should never do (no-one should) but it’s human nature.
There are SO many bloggers doing such incredible things these days and producing content that goes beyond glossy magazine level. It’s inspiring and incredible that this is the level that blogging has come to. But at the same time as little old me who is a true one woman show, it’s hard to comprehend how I can ever keep up with the field when it’s at that level. Understandably, a lot of bloggers do have help now – from people to help with photos, to filming and editing videos and even general PA type help. Absolutely no shame in that – any business needs help and support to grow and these are all things that totally make sense. But for me, I’m not in that position – so I’m the blogger, social media editor, photographer, admin and finance department all in one.
Part of me would love to have some of the help that others have in getting my blog content to a new level, but part of me loves that it is all just me. I guess being a bit more of an old-school blogger, the whole idea was that it was a one person thing so I quite like that. As I said before, this is in no way any sort of shade or nastiness towards bloggers who do have the help – I have every bit of respect for that and why it makes the difference it does. It’s more just a bit of word vomit to try and explain a bit about how I’m feeling personally about blogging right now.
There’s a big part of me that’s just a bit tired of all the competing, the keeping up and the ‘harsh’ side of blogging. It’s made me question if this really is what I want, where I fit and why I’m doing this. I wonder if there’s still a place for a blogger to earn a living away from agents and management. Is it possible to do that without a team of support around you? I’ve been generally questioning if there’s any point posting when I’m not happy with my content (hence the few gaps you might have spotted…) I don’t want to post things that aren’t things I’m happy with.
BUT all this being said, I then want to tell myself I haven’t blogged for seven years to just pack it all in. I’ve spent time figuring out and really thinking about what I want, what direction I want to go in and what I want to focus on. No, I’m not 21 years old, I don’t look like a model, I have no goals of being an Instagram celebrity (or any celebrity for that matter) – as much as the green eyed monster in me wishes I was a model and 21… the social media side of that that I’m getting at is just not the route I want to go down personally. I love taking photos and I love writing. I enjoy doing You Tube videos but never really want that to be my main thing, just a nice add on to stretch myself a bit. I genuinely do enjoy blogging, but I enjoy doing it on my terms rather than feeling like I have to conform or ‘play the game’ to fit in with the wave of blogging that’s of that moment.
I’m determined to stay true to how I want this blog to be, not to bend over backwards to fit with whatever trend there is of the moment and to keep going. I want to do create and post stuff I’m happy with and that makes me happy. Hopefully this will also be stuff people want to read! There have been a lot of times lately that I’ve not been too happy when it comes to blogging, and that’s what made me sit back and take a look at the bigger picture a bit – I’ve always said when I didn’t enjoy it anymore I’d stop. Of course making it my job does change the game a little on that front – but it really does need to be my main motivation. I figure that if I write about and take photos of things that make me happy, in a style I’m happy with then the content will reflect that and hopefully anyone reading will see that too.
I always want to be totally me, I don’t really want to be a ‘brand’. I want to be able to chat about everything from deodorant and scalp products to the latest launches from Tilbury and Dior… plus where I ate lunch the other day and share some photos of my dog too. Most of all I want to stop overthinking it all and taking it too seriously. Even as a job, this is meant to be fun and sometimes thinking too much can take the joy out of it.
On that note, I plan to think even less in the immediate future as heading off to bed as soon as I post this! But mission for the day ahead – always look on the bright side. Be positive and do what makes me happy.
I feel like now would be a good time for a group hug?! Anyone…?!